This post was originally written in February 2017:
“I keep looking for something that I think I have lost.” This line makes my eyes well up with tears when I think of it in the context of this song. That “something” that has been lost is time. I started to notice how fast time was going after I graduated high school. With every birthday I was in disbelief at where the previous twelve months had gone. I could remember snapshots, but for the most part it was work, sleep, and…well, I don’t really know.
It wasn’t until I had my first daughter almost five years ago that time seemed to kick into an even higher gear. It seems like last year she was a helpless baby, but today she’s wiping her own butt and getting ready to go to kindergarten.
Eleven days ago I had my second daughter, and it feels like it’s really only been three or four days. I’m sure that’s partly because I slept in short increments at a hospital for the first three days, but still…”My kids, they grow up fast. I want it slow. so slow.”
It’s not even so much that time needs to slow down, it’s that I need to slow down and enjoy the time I have with my little girls, but at the same time it feels like no matter how hard I try to take it all in, I still can’t hold on to my favorite moments long enough. “I keep looking for something, looking for something.”
Jason Martin here has perfectly captured the elusiveness and helpless that a dad feels watching his kids grow faster than he can control. “I keep looking for something that I think I have lost” is the cry of a man who is trying to go back a enjoy those times he had with his little ones, when they were still little. To play dolls with them. To play catch with them. To hold them in his lap while they’re still small enough. Though I know they will still pass by faster than I wish, I don’t want to take these moments and this time period for granted.
I’m very thankful for this picture from a dad who is a decade or so older than me. He provides a glimpse of how I don’t want to feel ten plus years from now, but how I know I’m gonna feel no matter how tightly I hug my little girls now.